Casa Bellini

with apologies to Arlo, from Dunstan LeHeryngmongere (mka Keith Nealson)

Ya, for shoor, dis song is about Brynhilda, and a Viking hall, but Brynhilda’s Viking Hall was never de name of de hall- it was just de name of a song- which is why I call dis song- Brynhilda’s Settlement.

You can get anything at all- in Brynhilda’s Viking hall
You can get anything at all- in Brynhilda’s Viking hall
Hop right in it’s across the sea-
Greenland’s awaitin just for you and me-
You can get anything at all- in Brynhilda’s Viking hall

Now it all started after the allthing two years ago ven I vas sent by my Jarl over to de place dat some call Greenland (you ever notice that dey call it Greenland and de whole damn place is white? Can’t call it whiteland, sounds racist)

Anvay, me an my buddies Gunther and Svenbjorn vent over to de Greenland place to visit our friend Brynhilda who lives in a little settlement dere and ven ve arrived ve couldn’t help but notice dat dere was dis really nasty odor in the air, and it vasn’t even Gunther (vich it usually is) und ve asked Brynhilda about it an she said dat a big load of lutefisk had gone verse. Ve’d never heard of lutefisk dat had gone verse before, so ve asked her if she meant it had gone bad, but she said dat lutefisk starts off bad and dis had gone verse.

So we dug up de lutefisk an put it in our longboat along vit axes, spears and udder implements of de-struxion and carried it out to de sea to dump it in de ocean. An ve dumped it into de ocean and sailed back to de settlement, had a Thorsday dinner dat couldn’t be beat, vent to sleep and didn’t get up until de next morning when we got a surprise vist from Jarl Ollie. Ollie said ‘Kid, ve found a bunch of rotten lutefisk and dead herring in de middle of our fishing grounds and vanted to know did ve have any information about it’

I said “Yes Sir Jarl Ollie, sir, I cannot tell a lie, I saw some spaniards dumping lutefisk in de ocean yesterday.”

Ollie said dat Spaniards didn’t eat lutefisk and I said dat dat explained why dey ver dumping it into de ocean.

But Ollie had gotten one of his men to carve 27 three foot by four foot stone carvings of de ‘quote scene of the crime unquote’ Dere was pictures of de approach- of de getaway- of de northwest corner and de southeast corner. Dere was circles and arrows on de stones splainin what each one was. Vun picture even had Jormungandr’s head in de background, looking like he had eaten some of de lutefisk and vas about to hurl!

After speaking to Ollie for about fourty-five minutes we finally came to de truth of de matter and Ollie said that we ver going to have to meet him and his clan at the proving grounds and prove ourselves vordy in a little axe throwing contest.

So ve went back to Brynhilda (remember Brynhilda? This is a song about Brynhilda) had a Freyday dinner dat counldn’t be beat, went back to bed and got up de next morning, when ve gathered up our axes and spears and udder implements of destruxion and headed down to de proving grounds.

Ven ve arrived at de proving grounds de old vise voman of de village valked up to us and asked us ver ve ready and I said to her I said- “old voman- I vant to kill. I vanna kill. Kill. I wanna I wanna to see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, kill,KILL,KILL.” and I started jumpin up and down yelling KILL KILL, and she started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down yelling “KILLKILL”. And an old man came over pinned a medal on me, sent me to de axe throwing range and said “you’re our Beserker!”

So den I proceeded on down to de axe throwing range and saw Ollie dere with his 27 three foot by four foot stone carvings wit de circles and arrows splaining what each one was and Ollie stopped me and said ‘do you know de rules to dis contest?’ and I said ‘no’ and so he said ‘skald. Tell him de rules!’ an an old bardic type stood up and said ‘___________________________________________’ an he spoke for like two hours and nobody understood a word he said, yah, and so den we commenced to throwing axes like madmen.

Vell, Jarl Ollie was de preddy good axe thrower yah, but I am not slouching in dat department eider, so by de time night fell ve vas still throwing and no one had won, finally Ollie threw an axe so hard it split de target in two and he smiled at me and said ‘beat dat’, an I said to him dat I thot his axe was magic an he was cheating, and he said he vasnt an I said he vas, and he said he vasnt an I said he vas, so finally he hands me his axe an says ‘see, just a normal axe!’ an I hit him in de head wit it an he fell down dead an I said ‘yah, fer shoor, just a normal axe’ an I declared me de vinner by default, default being dat de udder guy was dead.

Vell dey chased me outta dere right quik den an me an Gunther an Svenbjorn fought our way out to de boat and headed back to Iceland as fast as we could go.

An dat’s vat you need to remember for shoor- don’t get into axe throwing contests and whatever happens don’t go to Greenland . . . if your Jarl walks up to you and asks you to go to a-viking in Greenland you look him in de eye and you say- oh JARL! And you sing . . .

Chorus

Course, dat might not work on your average Jarl, in which case you find you a nudder Viking and you walk up to de Jarl, hand in hand, singin in de harmony-

Chorus

An if dat don’t get you killed right off de bat maybe you can gadder up a whole crew of drunken Vikings, sloshy kneed and staggering and singin in five part fully multiphonic orchestration-
Everybody!

You can get anything at all- in Brynhilda’s Viking hall
You can get anything at all- in Brynhilda’s Viking hall
Hop right in it’s across the sea-
Greenland’s awaitin just for you and me-
You can get anything at all- in Brynhilda’s Viking hall